What do you want out of life?

Hello again,

How are y’all doing? Hope all’s well. I am very well, thanks for asking. I have started a new job and so far, it’s ok. I’m seeing someone too so you could say my glass is quite full. God has been good. Over the last year or so, I’ve been thinking very hard about what I want out of life. Yesterday’s church service kinda hit home as a result and I was in a reflective mood throughout the day. The title of the message was “The Power of Vision”. The pastor talked about visualizing where we want to be in the next 20 years. I like to think that I’m a serious guy and I live my life on a mostly needs-based basis. I am intensely aware that I’ve been blessed to be born into the family that I have and that makes me acutely aware of the things that I take for granted. As a result, I have very simple things I want to accomplish in the next 20 years – I want a good wife, I want to be able to send my children to the best schools, I want to have my own business and I want to be able to help underprivileged people. These are the things that would make me happy 20 years from now. They are not lofty ambitions by the world’s standards – please note that I’m not bashing what we would normally call lofty ambitions. If you want to be the future president of your country or you want to be the future CEO of a fortune 500 company, more power to you. I was talking to a friend of mine last night and the conversation drifted to this topic. I told him that I would consider my parents to be very successful. My father has worked in government all his life and my mother has risen to the top of her profession. While that’s good, what makes them successful in my eyes is that they have given their children the platform to succeed in life by sending us to school and leveraging on the goodwill they’ve accrued over their careers. At the end of the day, it all comes down to what you would consider success in life to be. Insha Allah, I am on my own journey and it will end up well. My church has become a very important part of my life now – it constantly reminds me not to relent in the pursuit of the life that I want but that I should always put God first. I couldn’t always say that and my mother is a pastor. Go figure.

Like all good people, we want the good things in life. I think in this day and age, these things have drifted to the more superficial things. To me though, these things are usually what other people would consider good. Don’t get me wrong – I want to be comfortable and God knows that I cannot Imagine living off the Island. However, a lot of these things are things we don’t actually need (remember needs-based living?). That lavish wedding you want when you haven’t paid rent, that flashy car when something cheaper would do the job and the one that absolutely irks me – renting more space than you actually need. For what? So that people can say we are successful? Give me a break.. Sometimes, our self-consciousness as humans makes me so sad. I was at a friend’s place about a month or so ago. She just got married and she and her husband live in a one bedroom apartment. It is small but I absolutely fell in love with it and their situation. Just her, her husband and their tiny place. I’m an idealist and I don’t think there are many of us left so we always seem to be a bit off. I’m happy with that. Over the last few years, I’ve come to realize that the only opinion of me that matters is my own and it is liberating. I want to be rich but I don’t need to be. If it happens, it’s a bonus and it would mean that I can help more people. In my opinion, that’s what Nigeria needs – people who will stand up to be the examples they want to see. In my humble situation, I’m trying to do that. And that makes me happy which, at this point, is all that matters.

On an unrelated note, Arsenal drew with Man City on Saturday. I honestly thought we'd lose but hey, I'll take a point.  Nothing has changed though - looks like the FA Cup is the only hope for silverware this season. I hope they don't bottle that.

I haven't seen any movies recently and I don't know when I will again but rest assured that I'll let you know when I do. I just can't shut up really. I also finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It is a good book - very soft but very philosophical. It talks about fulfilling your destiny too. Kind of a running theme this weekend, huh?

That's all from me. Till next time, I remain your fantastic Mr Fox.

Death

The past few days have been very interesting to say the least. I've had a few surprises and I actually wrote another piece with the intention to share. But it is personal - intensely so. Therefore, I will keep it on my hard drive and look at it from time to time. Still, this one is pretty interesting if I do say so. Here goes. Today, I will be talking about death. Duh.

Don’t be scared. I know this is a bit of a departure given the nature of my posts so far but I’ve thought about death a lot over the past few years. I’ve always been fascinated by how people view it. Are you scared of it? Why are you scared if you are? I don’t think people ever really think about it. So once again I’m asking: Are you afraid to die?

Let’s start with a logical assumption: I believe in heaven and hell. I believe that I’m a good person and that if I die I’ll go to heaven. Since heaven is such a wonderful place, why should I be afraid? I should actually welcome it if I’m being totally rational. Given that we all claim to be so religious, we should actually subscribe to this view. But for some reason we don’t. We are scared – this is one of the reasons why we will always say “God dey...” when the time comes to actually do something about the situation in the country. To an extent, I do this too and I’ve been thinking about why I do it.

In a simultaneous action game, coordination is needed to get the best result for all parties. A good example is the Prisoner’s Dilemma. In this situation, we have two suspects being interrogated in different rooms about a crime they committed. They are each encouraged to confess to the crime with the reward being that one will go free if the other one doesn’t. Hypothetically, this is what happens:

·         If they both confess, they get 5 years each

·         If one confesses and the other doesn’t, the confessor goes free and the other spends 10 years in prison

·         If they each refuse to confess, they get 1 year probation but they don’t know this.

So, If player 2 decides to confess, the best thing for player 1 to do would be to confess (5 years is better than 10). If player 2 decides not to confess, the best thing for player 1 to do would be to confess (going free is better than probation). The same thing holds for player 2. Therefore, the likely outcome is that they both confess and get 5 years each. However, the best outcome for them would be to keep their mouths shut but because they cannot coordinate, they end up confessing. That’s the situation we find ourselves in with regard to the situation in the country. People are unwilling to act because they don’t know what others are thinking and are afraid of the consequences of acting alone which would likely be death or grievous bodily harm. So the government only has to make coordination difficult to maintain the status quo. Hence, bad infrastructure, bad record keeping systems, a partial judiciary and so on. I realize that I’ve digressed but I will tie things up.

Since people are not supposed to be afraid to die, what’s keeping us from taking control? I think the prospect of suffering and the consequences of death scare us far more than death itself. I was watching Robocop and someone asked me if I could choose to live after going through what he had gone through. I thought about it a bit and came to the conclusion that I would. People’s motivations for living come into play when facing death. They have people depending on them for survival or they have loved ones who would simply go to pieces if they were gone. Some just hate the idea of being made to suffer. That’s why most people would take a bullet in the head if given the choice between that and torture before being executed. The fact is that the end result is the same but people prefer one route over the other.

To answer my question: I’m not afraid to die. I am however afraid of suffering before I die and afraid of the effect my death would have on my family. Death is most felt by those left behind. Also, let’s face it: some people are afraid they’ll end up in hell. Ha-ha.

What about you?

That’s all for now. Till next time, I remain your fantastic Mr. Fox.

Pearls of Wisdom or Whatever…

Hello all,

First post in March… Whooooo!!! Hope y’all are doing well. I just thought I’d give you the benefit of my old age once again. A certain young woman always says I’m old… She doesn't know that I fantasized about having grey hair for a while (just like Richard Gere or more hilariously Abdulsalam Abubakar) so I love it when she says that. Ha-ha. I may actually be a little insane. Anyways, it’s good to be back.

To start with, I watched what may be one of the worst movies I've ever seen yesterday. Winter’s Tale is horrible. The dialogue is horrible. The direction is horrible. It was an all-around terrible movie and a waste of two hours of my life although it should be said that I had good company so it wasn't a total waste. (my arm died while I was trying to be suave. Don Draper, I have a lot to learn). What boggles the mind is that it was chock full of stars – Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly (who I absolutely love; she has the most amazing eyes) and Will Smith in a hilarious turn as the devil. I honestly don’t know what they were all thinking. Upon further research, I found out that the writer/director is highly respected (as a writer) so maybe that was it. The movie reminds me of The Counselor which was also full of stars but somehow left me wanting a little more. Ridley Scott is a well-respected director with Gladiator, Body of Lies and Kingdom of Heaven in his body of work. Cormac McCarthy is mainly known as an author with books like The Road and No Country for Old Men, both of which have been made into very good movies. But then Cormac McCarthy wanted to try his hand at screenwriting. It wasn't very pretty. The movie had some memorable lines but it fell a little flat. I liked it though.

I started watching True Detective recently. It is a good show with amazing performances. Woody Harrelson is very good but Matthew McConaughey steals the show. The man has become a powerhouse. He is absolutely amazing as Rust Cohle. The Tag-line of the show is “Man is the cruelest animal”. It is full of philosophical dialogue that somehow rings true. The dialogue is absolutely fantastic and it may be what I love most about the show. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

I’m gonna be a little controversial here. I keep hearing that women today aren't allowing men to be ‘men’. What does that mean? I read one Facebook post today and the lady was talking about how women need to go back to being traditional. She said “When was the last time you asked God to bless your husband? Instead of praying for God to bless you, pray for God to bless your husband and cause him to love you.” I don’t know about you but I was stunned. Is that all women have to aspire to? The days are gone where we had clearly defined roles for men and women – when majority of the paying jobs involved skills that were mostly particular to men. These days, that line is blurred – people are competing for opportunities where the determining factor is usually how smart you are. In that respect, the playing field has leveled considerably. Therefore, it is only natural that women would aspire to be more than love interests for their husbands. To me, this is not a bad thing. In the home, there should be respect and love between a husband and a wife. More important is an understanding that they're are in it for the long haul together. This means sharing responsibilities. I couldn't marry a woman who would just stay at home, who would not challenge me intellectually or who couldn't call me on my crap. I just think we are in a male dominated society and these men are not willing to change with the times. Things change… deal with it. Maybe I'm looking at it from a different angle so please educate me if you can. 

One last thing – Lupita Nyongo. The media have been raving about this young woman. I listened to a couple of her speeches and she is certainly very intelligent. She is also self-aware – she knows that she’s been very fortunate to be where she is and she always tries to motivate young people. I’m all for that. But mehn… the hype is getting too much jo. I was on twitter during the Oscars and when she got out of her car, people were just gushing praise and I was like “what the hell is going on here?” The girl has done well… she was good in “12 Years…” and she may well be an inspirational figure to young people but let’s dial it down a notch, yeah? Thanks.

On that note, I’m signing off. Till next time, I remain your fantastic Mr. Fox.